I love you Alan

Marriage is hard work.  Sometimes we look across the table at one another and wonder what we are doing in this relationship.  Sometimes it doesn’t feel healthy.  But then, there are those defining moments that must be recalled regularly to remind us that we have something special.

We have experiences of victory in raising children and overcoming hardship.

We have laughter…lots and lots of laughter.

We do have dreams, even though they may seem to be too far from reality.

I want to live the dreams we can create for today.  And I want to live them with you, my dear mate.  For better or worse…and sometimes we have to endure the worse.  For richer or poorer…there’s always wealth beyond monetary measure.  I need to remember that simple can be fun, too.

I’m sorry for being stubborn.  I know that love, at its core, doesn’t insist on its own way.  I want to remember pictures like these when I get discouraged or feel as though we have too little in common any more.  How can I have little in common with someone who has become a part of my very soul?

If I love me, I love you.  And I do.



  1. missannakay said,

    March 4, 2010 at 5:23 am

    so cute, i can’t even handle it.

    this is what i want.
    i want my other half, the part of my soul thats missing.

    • March 4, 2010 at 3:20 pm

      I hope your heart finds its mate as well. Have courage. And have fun in England! I’ve always wanted to go there!

      We really have to open our hearts and become Family with that person whom we marry. In other words, just because one doesn’t get along with their brother or sister at times, one continues (well, hopefully) to try because you can’t just quit being family.

      This is my second marriage. Two of my children are from that first 10 years. Alan has a daughter from his. I remarried as a leap from one man to take care of me to another. I’ve really had to overcome some dysfunctional and co-dependent issues. We both have. And sometimes we have to revisit certain issues and run maintenance programs ( lol) to keep the system stable. Also, we would never want to subject our children to what our other children went through during each of our divorces years ago. So that’s good motivation to keep our marriage “employed” as it were.

      In my experience, relationships are not based on linear development. It’s all about spiral development.

      I used to think that there would be this one person who would fit me exactly…my soul mate. Alan has become my soul mate and I his because we have refused to give up and we have let our “inner children” have their way to help us laugh and cry together and dream of more than we might think possible.

      I guess I could write a book (or at least a very long series of blogs) on marriage from my experience. (ad nauseum to many I imagine)

      I’m glad you found something in this blog to give you hope. Ironically it has been in the midst of one of our greater challenges as a couple that I have written this as a renewed commitment and reassurance to him.

      I am enjoying “chatting” with you back and forth over blogs. I really get a charge out of your enthusiasm and see myself as young when I connect with what you write. Thanks for the gift you are!

      • missannakay said,

        March 4, 2010 at 4:23 pm

        ❤ the smile on my face right now, is crazy.
        i don't think you realize how much of a compliment that is for me.

        i appreciate you reading my stuff 🙂

        and about the love life stuff, i'm happy to hear you and Alan are going your best in your marriage, i can see how it can be difficult sometimes, but love conquers all.

        if you've got love – you've got everything

        wish you the best! ❤

  2. alan said,

    March 5, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    Love, as an emotion, can be a fickle thing.

    It can be sublime (look up the real meaning of that word) and a torture to your emotions. It can be even be both of those at the same time.

    But more importantly, love is a bridge between you and another. Whether that other is Deity, spouse, children, or friend, it is the pathway from where you are inside you, to another.

    Marriage is also a bridge. And as a single way bridge will fail, as it needs the balance of communication, actions and traffic between where two people are to be balanced. You cannot just stay on your side all the time, nor stay at the other person’s end.

    I am thankful to be Diane’s husband. I appreciate so much her presence in our family’s life – and mine.

  3. March 21, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    So, this morning I’m listening to Sinatra, my oldest daughter calls with 6 inches of snow on her car in Texas!, and all the insights I’ve so cleverly devised in this stream of exchange seem like not enough to make it work. Could it be that I’m full of hot air and just deluding myself that romance is even a legitimate experience to hope for? OR that the genuine soul meeting of two people can be realized?
    Maybe I’m just depressed today and wish for things that cannot be. I guess that would depress anyone. Why am I usually having to change my desires to fit the circumstances instead of the circumstances changing in my favor?

    Right now I’d love to share a bottle of wine, with a group like minded “friends” waxing philosophical and thinking intriguing thoughts. Or maybe, better yet, out with a group of girlfriends (if I had one) to encourage and share the sisterhood of life’s experiences with men. Of course there would be a drink or two and I might figure out finally what it means to be “one of the girls”. Life’s not getting any younger and I’m getting less patient to live it. If only I could jump into the river of life without the ripple effect which would inevitably upset the safe disposition of those around me. I’ve jumped in before and don’t relish the memories of that pain and subsequent guilt.

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